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I have been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided by people. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished then, as they were drawn to him. It shocked her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, likely grasped more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, several close to her have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us retired so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role in the relationship is as the audience. I start discussion points and she changes them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. I try to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She has been arranging a vacation to a nation I know well many times and resided in for a while. I attempted to provide insights, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I've just returned from four weeks there she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, yet this is not often the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state what typically happens in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Next involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Step three is to question how you are both can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

This can be impactful for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

She might reject your concerns, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they cannot release since their identity is tied to it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react defensively and then think your perspective. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.